Show yourself

This year, I promise to love my fiance, openly, daily.

It is an act that fills me with fear but the world has been showing me that people who know me, as well as many people who don't, are supportive and understanding.

I came to terms with my sexuality, my "orientation" in an era when killing, beating and harassing gay people was more or less hunky-dory.

I went to the Take Back the Night march and waved a sign and hollered through the streets with my friends. I have been writing politicians and putting money to the cause of equality for many years.

I bought my love her engagement ring and family that runs that small antique store smiled at us and were very kind.

I was walking through a parking lot and two young women walking towards me took each other's hands. I smiled. I felt their nervous energy and their strength all at once. Their public touch is what I marched for before they were born.

I know the people at my job... at least in my section, are accepting. I'm very much not an "in-your-face" kind of person but I am not going to worry about what I say when Joey calls me during the day. They won't fire me because it is illegal to do so in the county I work in.
I think playing it cool and letting them see how hard I work first was a good strategy.

I will work to let go off the fear that any of my quirks and faults may be attributed to my homosexuality and instead I will trust that my faults will be weighed along with my competency, devotion and integrity.

I am 42 years old. It only took me half of my life to get here. I AM PROUD that I was part of the change that has taken place in the world in the past twenty-some years.
My work here is not yet done.

I AM A LESBIAN, NOT BY CHOICE AND NOT BY MISTAKE.
I'M HERE, STILL HERE, BECAUSE LOVE IS THE WAY AND THE MEANING OF LIFE IS LEARNING HOW TO LOVE EACH OTHER. MY LIFE HAS ALREADY CHANGED THE WAY PEOPLE THINK. IT'S NOT TIME TO STOP. IT IS TIME TO REFLECT AND RE-COMMIT.


I dedicate this entry to the friends and family who give me strength: Joey, Dad, Cynthia, Genevieve, Cristy, Derek, Sandy, Virginia, Judi, Geri, Kathy, Barbara, Julie, Lisa, Jana, June, Troy, Randy, Ana, Pat, Vicki, Molly, Kim, Rhett, Angela, Roxanne, Billy, Jess, Maya, Debbie, Pam, George, Tom, Mike, Jerry, Dominique, Terry, Melissa, Stephen, Erin, Regis, Joe, Mary, Ana, et al... and also to the people of the future who will be able to be themselves whether or not they realize that it wasn't always so.